Donald Trump — The Amazing Racist
This Weak in Politics, Vol. 191
July 18, 2019
We have some breaking news:
PRESIDENT TRUMP IS A RACIST.
Ok, ok, so it’s not exactly breaking, nor is it exactly news, yet in this, the 130th week of his presidency, the president’s racist racism has dominated the news.
It all started innocently enough with the president of the United States hate-tweeting a group of women of color who also happen to be members of Congress. We mean, how many presidents haven’t hate-tweeted a group of women of color who also happen to be members of Congress?
These tweets, suggesting the congresswomen go back to the crime-riddled countries from which they came (He has a point, one of the Congresswomen is from the United States, another is from Somalia, another is from the United States, and the fourth is from…the United States.), immediately kicked off a heated debate. The debate featured on one side, elected Republican officials and Trump rally attendees who suggested the tweets were merely dumb, ill-informed, xenophobic, and nationalist. On the other side were sentient beings.
While we are not going to weigh in on whether the racist tweets were racist, we have uncovered some damning evidence via FOIA. (Pronounced the way Bernie Sanders would pronounce the entrance hall in which one puts their umbrella or takes off their shoes. This is ironic considering Sanders pronounces the Freedom of Information Act acronym as “foyer.” Go figga.) Here, unedited, are the tweets of key White House personnel and allies discussing whether the tweets were racist.
Despite the belief by many that the president is and always has been a racist, Trump maintains he is not, saying, “I don’t have a racist bone in my body.”
In his defense, this is true. It is his brain, his heart, and his kidneys (which have a very special place in the heart) that are racist. But to the best of our knowledge, no bones or cartilage technically have racist properties in their marrow.
Again, TWITPOL’s crack team (which is different than TWITPOL team’s crack) comes to the rescue. Our astute reader(s) will recall that in a very early issue of TWITPOL we were able to get a hold of Donald Trump’s medical records. Included in that was an x-ray photo, which you will find below. In it, you will clearly see the president is correct.
Presidential osteology (It’s a word. We checked.) aside, the president’s racism seems to not only be popular among Republicans (his Republican approval rating has increased since the tweets), but it makes a downright festival of hate at his rallies. Rallies which, if we are to be honest, seem to be chilling despite the heatwave. Now lest we be accused of promulgating fake news (which we wouldn’t be anyway because our friends don’t know what promulgate means), we did indeed switch the audio from two different events — yet somehow it all still fits.
At these rallies, Trump has been having Mike Pence (sp?) introduce him. It is rare to see the Vice President publicly allowed to be George Milton to Trump’s Lennie Small, but politics, and especially campaigns, make strange bedfellows. Some believe this is, in part, the president grooming Pence for his eventual run for the presidency (we just threw up a little in our mouth). However, it is tough to see Pence filling Trump’s shoes. Though filling his pants is an even bigger stretch.
Some are arguing that the president’s racist tweets, and his racist rhetoric at his racist rallies, is meant not just to increase his popularity among Republicans, but also to divert attention from other stories. Like all things involving Trump this, too, has lead to heated debates. Some are saying the racism is to deflect from the Trump administration’s treatment of immigrant and refugee children and families. This has angered those who say it is to deflect from the latest rape allegation (this one seems silly to us, as Trump has survived 23 other credible allegations of sexual assault without consequence), who in turn have angered those who think it’s to deflect from the pending Mueller testimony next week. While all that could be true, it could also be that it is to deflect from the gutting of the EPA that is going on this week, or the now public documents confirming that Trump and his campaign encouraged imprisoned convicted felon/Trump’s former lawyer to pay off the porn star with whom Trump had an affair to keep her quiet in the days before the election he and Russia had worked so hard to win.
For our money, we think the ratcheted up racism is to deflect from Trump’s ties to child molester and sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, which seem precipitously close to being revealed. Epstein was denied bail this week which means he faces the prospect of never being a free man again. (It should be noted that Trump didn’t suggest Epstein go back to where he came from.) The last thing Trump needs headed into a re-election is videos like this surfacing — videos that could chip away at his support amongst evangelical Christians.
Ha! Kidding. Such a video does not exist. But we do have this…
Now, as you can see, there is a shocking new revelation in that video. No, not that Trump is patting the asses of women almost reflexively — that is neither new nor shocking. No, the shocking thing is that the 45th President of The United States does that goofy biting their lower lip thing white men do while dancing.
As for the patting asses thing, in defense of the president (we seem to be doing that a lot in this issue), we are told he mistook the woman in the video for his daughter. If she were his daughter, perhaps they’d be dating. (There’s that vomit in the mouth thing again.)
And that’s the way the weak spent the week in a nation where the president’s Senior Counselor refused to answer a reporter’s question until he informed her of his ethnicity.
And no one seems to care.
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