Don’t Know Much About (insert issue here)
This Weak in Politics, Vol. LXXIV
April 3, 2017
Say what you will about Donald Trump, the man is a leader. Just this week he led Americans across the nation (except in parts of rural Pennsylvania and all of West Virginia) to scratch their heads and ask “he said what?” And, he led us to follow that up with another question. While speaking this week about Americans and their knowledge of history, President Trump said, “…if you think about it…why? People don’t ask that question…”
Believe us, Mr. President, every time people hear the phrase “President Trump,” tens of millions of Americans immediately ask “why?”
Previously the president asserted that most people don’t know that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican, that being president was hard work or that healthcare is a complicated issue. If Kenneth C. Davis were dead, he’d be rolling over in his grave.
Trump gives off the distinct impression that he is like a child visiting a library for the first time. Difference is, a child visiting a library for the first time might excitedly ask, “did you know a butterfly’s metamorphosis can last an entire winter?” whereas President Trump blurts out, “But why was there a civil war?”
Defenders of the President say that judging him by the things he says, does and thinks is unfair and wish Americans would give him the respect he deserves by virtue of the office he holds — conveniently forgetting that for the past 8 years they treated President Obama like he were Adam Jones and the Washington were Fenway Park. (In fairness to our Boston readers, we should point out that Beantown has been making progress. In truth, the Jones heckling was the first racially tinged incident to happen in Boston since…a little earlier that day, and was the last racially tinged incident to occur at Fenway Park until, well…2 days later.)
Moving away from outside baseball to inside baseball, FBI director James Comey revealed this week that the thought that his releasing of materials regarding Hillary Clinton’s emails so close to the election may have influenced the outcome of the election makes him “mildly nauseous.” This puts him in synch with some 66 million Americans who have also thrown up a little in their mouths every day since November 8, 2016.
On the subject of things that are nauseating, President Trump this week invited Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte to the White House. This move was seen as a significant departure from geopolitical norms and diplomatic protocols. It remains to be seen if there will be lasting damage from the move, because, as of this writing it is unclear if the meeting will even happen. The unpopular septuagenarian dictator has not yet publicly announced if Duterte has accepted his invitation.
Trump also departed from protocol this week by saying that he would “be honored” to meet with North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un. Trump added “L’il Kim was only 25 or 26 when he took over for his father, and was only 22 when his debut studio album Notorious K.I.M. was certified double platinum.”
The Kim Jong Un and Duterte invites and overtures were not the first flirtations with despots (homo-despot-eroticism) for Trump who has previously heaped praise on Saddam Hussein, Muammar Gaddafi, campaign donor Vladimir Putin and Billy Joel.
In defending the praise of the North Korean leader, the administration stated that Kim Jong Un is a “smart cookie” who has led his country forward. Nothing inspires more confidence than a man with his finger on the proverbial nuclear trigger calling people “smart cookies” and believing that North Korea, a nation that is dark at night, and believes that 2017 is year 106, is a forward moving nation.
Speaking of moving forward, republicans announced this week that they will be moving forward with their repeal and replace bill that replaced the repeal and replace bill that was repelled earlier this month. While some Republicans contend there are good things in the new bill, others say they may vote for it anyway. For our readers who are Trump supporters, and who may want to learn more about the bill, you should probably open the Google Doc you received earlier today — the details can be found there.
The Republican plan is a hybrid version of single payer healthcare and coverage for pre-existing conditions, combining the two in such a way that there will not be a single payer who will have coverage for pre-existing conditions.
Republicans are confident that they have the votes needed to pass the bill. And administration officials are offering glowing reviews of the bill’s process and progress. Mick Mulvaney, known as the smartest alumnus of the House Freedom Caucus and the 89,954th smartest person living in Lancaster County, SC (birthplace, interestingly enough, of Andrew Jackson, whom many people are unaware was very, very angry with what he saw going on with regards to Obamacare) said on Wednesday, “Let the lawmakers make some law, let the president participate in the process and who knows, at the end, we might get a really, really good piece of legislation.” Yes. If there is one thing Congress and President Trump are known for, it is “really, really good pieces of legislation.”
That being said, now that Rep. Fred Upton and Rep. Billy Long have decided to support the measure, its prospects have improved. Relax, America. While doctors, hospitals, patients, the AARP, the Children’s Defense Fund, the Catholic Health Association and the American Medical Association oppose the bill, Fred and Billy are on board, and that is enough to make it almost a sure thing in the Republican House.
On the subject of things that once looked destined to succeed, Hillary Clinton resurfaced this week, and the reaction was predictable. Republicans wish the former first lady would simply go away, while Democrats (and Bernie Sanders) wish the former first lady would simply go away.
The nearly 6 months that have passed since the election have not erased the “unpopular” label from Clinton, who won the ironically named “popular vote” by earning more votes for president than any white male or female in the history of the Republic. Clinton, who would have won had the election taken place on October 27th (before the intervention of mild nausea sufferer James Comey), and whose election would have been a big deal for women, was roundly criticized this week for saying she would have won had the election been held on October 27th, and that her winning would have been a big deal for women.
And speaking of big deals for women, first-daughter, presidential advisor, presidential advisor spouse, Trump heiress and Trump business owner Ivanka Trump’s new book was published this week. The book will focus on maintaining a career while upholding family values. Ivanka, — who is the first-daughter, and the first daughter of Trump by his first wife, (as opposed to Tiffany, who is the first daughter of Trump by his second wife, while in terms of the sons, Don Jr. is the first son of the first wife, Eric is the second son of the first wife while Barron is the first son of the third wife) says that she learned about hard work and respect for women from her father, who is known for wishing he didn’t have to work so hard and for grabbing women by the pussy.
Some find irony in the fact that Ivanka’s book is titled “Women Who Work.” Wait until they learn that her next book will be about her father and is titled “Men Who Think.”
And that’s the way the weak spent the 14th week of the Donald Trump error (pronounced era at Fenway Pahk).
For our ardent and observant reader(s) who may have noticed we did not include a “Three Things You’ve Probably Never Seen” feature this week, we offer this explanation — in a week in which we have see a president learning about the Civil War, and a murdering despot nicknamed Duterte Harry invited to the White House, we figure you’ve now seen it all.
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