President Trump’s Open Letter to a Frightened Nation
This Weak in Politics, Vol. 225
March 19, 2020
(Washington, DC) In light of the coronavirus crisis that is enveloping the globe, rather than our traditional reporting on the week’s news, we publish below a letter from the President of the United States to the American people.
My fellow Americans,
Many of you have come up to me on the streets to thank me for dealing with something that, frankly, no one has ever seen before. An invisible enemy — a virus, I like to call it. My people tell me it has set the record for the strongest virus. I don’t know. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. But probably it is.
Since the very beginning of the Chinese virus, I have directed my administration to do everything we can to keep the American people safe. We all witnessed the horrible job Barack Obama and Sleepy Joe Biden did during the swine flu. Very horrible thing that happened to our country. Many people couldn’t believe it.
So instead of waiting like they did for a long time — months, maybe years even, but probably months, we acted right away. I shut down travel from China, I named our very terrific Vice President, Mike Pence, as the head of our Chinese virus task force. Well, not the “head” head, that’s me. I’m in charge, but he is also in charge too, but mostly me, and I shut down travel from China.
The fake news said that was racist. I don’t care that they said that. I know viruses better than anyone you know, believe me. So I shut it down. It came from China. We call food that comes from China “Chinese food” and men who come from China “Chinamen,” so that’s what we call this virus — Chinese virus. Many of the other world leaders, most of them actually, have called me to tell me they agree with me that it should be called Chinese virus. But they said they couldn’t do it because of their press. I tell them you should see my press. No one has ever been treated more unfairly by the disgusting horrible fake news media than me. All because I am doing a great job and they didn’t think I could win.
It’s not just CNN, who are horrible by the way. Failing. Their ratings are way, way down, believe me. It’s not just them. The other day I was in our nations’s very beautiful White House and a reporter — if that’s what you can call her — from PBS, Yamiche Abdul Jabbar asked me a very nasty question. Very nasty. Where were they when Obama and Sleepy Joe let millions and millions of Americans die during the swine flu? In 2009 I guess it was, I don’t know, but probably 2009.
So I am doing a terrific job on this. I mean, things are really great and they are going to be beautiful, and people won’t even believe how beautiful it will be. But the fake news doesn’t want to report that. They forget that I inherited a mess… a disaster when I took office, and I turned it around. We set a record for turning it around. We turned it around and created many beautiful jobs. We set records for African American unemployment, Hispanic or what I like to call Latino unemployment, and we set the record for lady unemployment. Nobody had ever seen anything like it.
And we will come back from this and we will be stronger than ever. Mostly because I took strong action right away, shutting down travel from China. Europe didn’t do that. I told them to, many of them called me and I told them to shut it down. But they didn’t want to. And their people got very, very sick. The numbers over there are horrible. They didn’t see it coming. A month ago no one had ever even heard of the Chinese virus, but I did. Nobody knows more about pandemics than me, that I can tell you.
The fake news media keeps reporting about the stock market. Well it went up almost 200 hundred points today, and they won’t report that. And last week, we set the record for the largest single day increase in history, maybe longer even. And until the Chinese virus came along we set the record for setting records.
We are doing terrific on medical. The whole world is watching and they know we have terrific medical. We are also doing great on military and nuclear. And something my administration doesn’t get credit for — because the media never gives me credit — we are doing terrific on schools. Many people are saying Betsy Devos is the best Secretary of Education we’ve ever had. I wanted there to be more choice in schools so I told her to get it done. She said “but sir, I am not sure we can do it.” But we did. Faster than anyone ever thought possible. And Betsy is a big supporter of home-schooling… what I like to call home-schooling. And today, we have more kids home-schooling than ever before in the history of the United States, well, except for when there were no schools I guess, but probably even then.
So, things are going great and it’s going to be very beautiful. I’ve talked to many of the richest CEOs, I mean these are top people, and they are all helping. That’s something that would never have happened before. But it’s happening.
We have the tests, they’re very beautiful tests. And the numbers are going to go down quickly, or maybe not too quick, but probably quickly, until we get to a very special number… what I like to call zero. I usually don’t like zeroes, but in this case I do like zeroes.
God bless me, my Chinese virus task force, the United States of America, and well, the whole world really, if you think about it.
Except for maybe China.
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