This Weak in Politics, Vol. LXIX
March 30, 2017
In a surprise to no one, save for Sean “Hold on, April!” Spicer, the big news this week has been the myriad ongoing investigations into the Trump campaign’s efforts to help Russia win our elections in 2016, the ongoing saga of tapping allegations involving Donald Trump (No, that was not a Moscow hotel euphemism, though it does involve leaks.), the on-again, off-again hearings of the House Intelligence Committee, and the collapse of the GOP effort to repeal Obamacare and replace it with a massive tax cut for the wealthy.
The investigations into Trump’s widely debunked claim that his predecessor wiretapped his phones in the lead up to the election have taken an interesting twist. Devin Nunes, the chairman of the House Select Committee on Intelligence, has come under fire for perhaps being too close to the Trump administration. Nunes has been canceling meetings that appear as though they could be harmful to Trump and he was criticized for sharing intelligence with the Trump administration — even though the administration itself may be the subject of an investigation in which the intelligence was gathered. Nunes went outside the normal committee process and shared his information with others, without sharing it with colleagues on his committee.
It has also been revealed that the night prior to the sharing of the info with the White House, Nunes was at…well…the White House. We are not sure how it is that Nunes thought this wasn’t going to be noticed — if there are two things not usually at the Trump White House, it is people with immigrant sounding names, and intelligence. Don’t worry, those of you tea-partiers who may be reading. While Nunes does indeed come from a family of immigrants, they are Portuguese — not the scary Mexican/Muslim types you are concerned about. Its “Nunes” not Nuñez.)
Nunes claims he was simply looking for a secure site in which he could review the materials in safety, and that the awkward handling of the intelligence, the whispering to the White House, the skulking around the White House grounds, and the cancelling of key and potentially damaging hearings is all really just coincidental, bad timing. If true, that is Gary Condit-like bad timing for Nunes.
But seriously, the White House, Nunes? Come on, Mr. Chairman — covert meetings like yours are why parking garages in Arlington were invented. (See Woodward, Bob and Deep Throat, 1972.) Now to be fair, we are not suggesting that Nunes is trying to “deep throat” President Trump in this case. We are merely noting that Nunes’s rationale for choosing the White House is difficult to swallow.
On the subject of tough pills to swallow (ok, segues are not our strength here) the Republican led healthcare tax cut for the wealthy failed in the House of Representatives earlier this week, and the blame game immediately began. (Adroitly covered here, we might add, by a world renowned expert on…things).
The bill failed for essentially three reasons — 1) ideological differences within the Republican caucus over the size and scope of government, 2) an arcane rule known as the Byrd rule,* and 3) the bill was a steaming pile of shit.
*Byrd Rule — this is a rarely invoked procedural rule that states that if a piece of legislation is proposed that is not germane to the committee of jurisdiction that submitted the title, the runner advancing from first base to second base is automatically out. It is named after former West Virginia Senator Mark “The Byrd” Fidrych.
The bill would also have hurt poorer resident in red states — a problem which is quickly developing into a pattern — that the very voters who put Trump into office are the ones suffering the most harm under the policies his administration is enacting or trying to enact. As such, there have been many “Trump Voter Regret” stories emerging. To further that body of work, we have exclusive footage of a Trump voter at the very moment he realizes that Trump may not truly have his interests at heart. The video can be seen by clicking here.
It is becoming increasingly difficult to deny that the forgotten people whom Trump courted by noting they’ve been forgotten for too long, are being forgotten. This makes them the forgotten forgotten forgotten people. We think. Their cause has been championed by books such as “Hillbilly Elegy” and by reporters like @SalenaZito who argues that modern day liberals are name-calling, rich, elitist pricks, hailing mostly from the northeast and the west coast, who judge people by how much money they have and where they are from.
In defense of Trump, no one knew how complicated health care was, legislating is hard, he didn’t get any Democratic votes on the healthcare bill, and, further, we are sure he thinks about the forgotten forgotten forgotten people every time he golfs. (On that subject — Trump has now been to a golf course at least 13 times in his 15 weeks in office, despite repeatedly and sharply criticizing President Obama for golfing while black…err…president. Perhaps that’s why Trump feels he “earned” that Purple Heart — in the Golf War.
Conservative pundits have picked up the “Obama golfing” ball (Titleist 1, we believe) and run with it (to Cruzify a sports metaphor). Notably, CNN pundit Kayleigh McEnany caused a stir with this:
One could chalk up this missed-putt of Kayleigh’s to inexperience: Wikipedia shows her credentials consist of three internships one each for the Agriculture Commissioner and CFO of the state of Florida, one for the man who, up until January 20, 2016, was the dumbest president of all of our lifetimes, and she was affiliated with @GovMikeHuckabee’s TV show. With that resume, the surprise isn’t that CNN hired her. The surprise is that she didn’t become Donald Trump’s Secretary of Education.
Speaking of inept messengers, Sean Spicer has had another rough set of days at the podium, this time getting into a heated exchange with April Ryan (who is apparently friends with the black caucus). For those of you who haven’t followed Spicer’s pre-White House career, here is a clip of him in his previous corporate work:
In environmental news, the Trump administration this week worked hard on the environment. That is not a typo. Specifically they are working on creating an environment in which businesses can take a dump in our rivers, and give Al Gore and polar bears the finger. President Trump kicked off this kicking off of the ice shelf by repealing Obama-era regulations that the president claims have been killing the coal industry. Anticipating pushback from naysayers who claim the industry is shrinking due to a series of factors including automated approaches to extracting coal, abundant sources of natural gas, a drop in oil prices and the increasing affordability of renewable energy sources such as wind, solar and hydro-powered electricity, the Trump administration presented a chart highlighting the devastating impact Obama has had on coal jobs in the United States:
Once he has restored all the coal jobs, President Trump vows he will then work to bring back the jobs of Blockbuster Video Store clerks, phone booth repair technicians and milkmen, in his effort to make America great again.
At the other end of Pennsylvania Avenue, Congress passed legislation repealing yet to be enacted privacy rules crafted during the coal and Internet killing Obama years. The move by Congress will allow Internet service providers to sell the browser histories of consumers. (Note: If our browser history has already been sold, for the record, we were simply researching the outbreak of “cheerleader/carwash water fights” for a human-interest piece. And we were also searching for “oral” histories of such fights.) President Trump is expected to sign this legislation because he hasn’t forgotten the forgotten forgotten forgotten people, and because…freedom.
The Senate, the body which was not preoccupied with killing the effort to kill healthcare, was busy girding (we think that’s a word, and we think it means a certain type of standing — the sort of standing William Howard Taft would do, for instance) itself for a showdown over the nomination of Neal Gorsuch to the Supreme Court. Republicans, who refused to hold even a single hearing on Obama’s nomination of Merrick Garland in the 378 days since he was nominated, are appalled at the partisan intransigence of Democrats who haven’t yet confirmed Gorsuch in the 8 weeks since he was nominated. Democrats on the other hand are equally flummoxed (we have no reason to believe this is actually a word in common usage, but we think @KatyTurNBC might be impressed with us casually dropping it in here) by the Republican threat to utilize the nuclear option designed by Democrat Harry “Oppenheimer” Reid in 2013.
In world news, British “Prime” Minister, Teresa May, this week invoked Article 50 (not to be confused with Vol. L, an underrated gem if we may say so) which makes formal the initiation of Britain’s withdrawal from the European Union, or Fuxit. We have obtained exclusive footage of Britain’s top envoy (who earned the title on a talent show hosted by Simon Cowell) dropping off the letter that invoked article 50, here. While the divorce isn’t final, we have been told that the EU has already had a sit down with Scotland, wherein they reassured little Scotland that the EU is not trying to replace their Mum, so they needn’t call the EU “Mum.” They can simply call her “Angela.”
And finally, we will close this week with a new segment loosely based on @HardballChris’ “Tell me something I didn’t know,” and Bill Maher’s “New Rules,” here is our…
“Three Things You‘ve Probably Never Seen”
- Sean Spicer accidentally telling the truth
- Bill O’Reilly admitting that something he said was stupid
- Lindsey Graham finally declaring his team
And that is how the weak spent the week in the good old USSA, where one can soar to the highest of heights…provided you aren’t a girl wearing leggings.
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